Serena is a sweet & amazing girl who is grieving greatly. For those of you who will soon be a part of her life in America, we want to share her dreams with you. Please, please do NOT discourage this. We want to encourage her that her future is her choice.
Serena, while it was her choice on whether to be adopted or not, was not entirely sold on the idea & has a lot of fears about coming to America & is still not sure about our family. She misses Beijing a lot & especially her foster family. One of her first questions to us was when she could come back to China. We told her it is very expensive & we will not be able to visit until she is older. However, we told her that after she goes to school and is a grown-up, it will be her choice where she will live. The ability to choose her future was a huge lifeline to her in these last few days & one that she is desperately holding on to.
Right now, her dreams are to go to America for school and then go be a teacher in China with the orphans. She came up with this on her own & we think it is a wonderful dream for her to have. It let's her choose her future, gives her a reason to work hard in school & shows her heart for helping others.
We share this dream with you, because she is VERY vocal about it & tells everyone she meets about it. She will likely tell you in person and we ask that you please encourage her in whatever path she decides to take, whether in America or China.
What a beautiful dream! She sounds like a truly amazing and brave girl.
ReplyDeleteThat's my dream, too! :) And both of my girls already have a heart to work with the orphans in China. LOVE it!!!
ReplyDeleteI'm sure once Serena comes to America and begins to adjust she'll enjoy it...but it would certainly make sense that her homeland would still hold her heart. It holds mine and I was only there for 16 days! I do think that you are right to encourage her on whatever path she chooses, though. Great wisdom!
I agree with your encouraging her desire to do what she wants to do once she has finished school. We have done the same thing. And for a while Rachel said she wanted to go to China to go to "university" and be a translator. However, she now says that she does not want to go to university in China because her family will not be there. So, it may change. Its honestly hard to say. I think encouraging her in knowing that she can go back to live is a very important part of helping her trust you and attach to you. VERY IMPORTANT.
ReplyDeleteAlso know that she will likely always only remember what we call the "green grass" about China...and it always concerns me when Rachel talks about China and how awesome everything was at the orphanage because I know she's choosing not to remember ALL the "real" parts (if you know what I mean). One of my biggest concerns is that when she goes back, that she will be very disappointed in that China is not what she "remembers" it to be...I hope and pray that when she goes back for the first time it is us going as family because she is going to need our support with her when the reality hits her that China is not what she remembers. Do expect that "idealization" of what her life in China would be like if she was still there for some time...we see it SO OFTEN...after being home for 9 months. Some days its very hard not squash her spirit and give her the hard facts. But that's where the ability to bite my tongue and watch my words becomes VERY important (especially when she's being a "typical" sassy teenager)!
You folks are awesome. Serena will do well in your family, it's clear. I can imagine how hard it is to assure her that her future is hers to choose, when you are working so hard to be a family. But do know it can all work out very well. I know 2 families with kids adopted, like Serena, at older ages. Both kids, now 20 and 18, have chosen to live, for a while at least, in China, one as a student, another as a volunteer, etc. And both love their adoptive families and are very well attached.My own 18-year-old, adopted at 3 months, always had similar thoughts as Serena. She has already spent several summers studying Chinese in China, and and she is all the better for it. You are fortunate that Serena is able to share enough of her distress and her thinking process with you so that you can help her with your understanding and support. Keep on....
ReplyDeleteOh Serena...what a WONDERFUL dream!!! She would make an incredible teacher and I can just hear her explaining it :) Praying for her grieving process...sweet girl!!
ReplyDeleteJulie, you are an amazing mama! Serena is blessed to have your love & support. Praying for you guys, as I know this is a very difficult time for you all.
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